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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516057">the love i fought to feel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unusannus/pseuds/unusannus'>unusannus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oh partner in crime, i’m going to try to fall in love with you again. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, but i don't go THAT far, dina loves her but it's some Tough Business™, ellie has ptsd, my best oc is the dog so he is here and ready to party, with tlou that can be pretty graphic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:28:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unusannus/pseuds/unusannus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being back in Jackson comes with its own set of problems for Ellie.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oh partner in crime, i’m going to try to fall in love with you again. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Best I’ve read</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. refresh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is what happens when i have too much time on my hands and word vomit onto a google doc.</p><p>(also this could be read on its own, but there's various connections made to my first story in this series, so check it out before this one if you'd like.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The morning of their first night sleeping in the same bed, Ellie had felt lighter. Whether it would be a regular occurence or not, she was just happy to know that Dina didn’t hate her completely. It had been the first step.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she settled behind the kitchen counter, spreading butter on toast and listening to JJ babble on about whatever to Dina as she walked in, Ellie felt like they could make this work. They could finally be a real family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mornin’ ” Ellie greets, looking up with a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina waves, and laughs suddenly as Raptor jumps up and down at her side. “Hey there little guy!” She exclaims, trying her best to pet him without letting go of JJ.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, let me take him.” Ellie offers through a mouthful of toast, extending her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina nods, handing him over and he giggles at seeing Ellie’s face up close. She distracts him with some funny faces as Dina gives Raptor his morning belly rubs. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he loves you more than me.” Ellie teases, beaming at the two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina scoffs, “That’s because he does. I’m the one always feeding him our scraps.” She coos at him, “Isn’t that right? You love me for my bribes, huh.” He yelps excitedly at her high pitched voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grinning, Ellie uses her free hand to eat the rest of her toast, careful not to let too many crumbs fall on JJ. As she finishes, she clears her throat, working up the courage to tell Dina something important.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In her usual fashion, Dina immediately zeroes in on Ellie’s sudden noise, scrunching her eyebrows, expecting her to say something now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, was thinking about heading into town.” She informs Dina, “Just to get our groceries for the week. I noticed we were out of some stuff.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina was usually the one to go out for these trips, since Ellie was still settling in and didn’t think she was ready to have to interact with anyone other than her and JJ. It would also be a breeding ground for any little thing to trigger her into a panic attack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, a few weeks into their reunion, Ellie thought she was ready to at least try. Dina looks at her the same way the doctor and nurses had looked at her in the hospital, with pity and a mix of disappointment (or maybe that part only existed in her head). But, there’s something different in her expression because Ellie knows it comes from a place of love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina blinks, snapping herself out of whatever reverie she had been in to respond, “Yeah, yeah that sounds good. If you think you’re ready.” She walks to the fridge, peeking inside, “How about you just head to the butcher for today? He’s only a few minutes away. Grab some steak and chicken, maybe half a pound of each.” She shuts the door, finishing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie nods, a sense of excitement building inside of her. For once, she felt like she could be more of use to Dina instead of spending all her time indoors. She was ready to prove herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie stands, handing JJ over to Dina. She grabs her jacket hanging from the chair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you’re leaving now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No time like the present.” Ellie quips, zipping herself up and going to find her boots. Dina says nothing, watching her get ready.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she walks to the door, Ellie looks back to a worried looking Dina. She steps closer to her, setting a hand on her shoulder and grabbing JJ’s hand with the other, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina gives her a smile, one that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “Okay. Stay safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Ellie’s off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Dina had said, Jackson’s center of town wasn’t too far a walk from their house. The spring air and the sound of children laughing filled Ellie’s senses as she walked. She gave a few polite smiles here and there, but it felt weird to be back here again under such different circumstances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shop bell dings as she opens the door. An older looking man glances up from behind the counter, he smiles at her, “Well, I’ll be. I never thought I’d see you in my shop again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie chuckles. James, the owner, had known her since she had first arrived here with Joel. He had always been very kind to her. “I’m here on behalf of Dina.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James raises his eyebrows, “Oh, so you two are good now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie gulps, not sure of what to say, “Uh, something like that. We’re just co-parenting for now.” She raises an eyebrow, “ How did you know about us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs, “Oh, come on. You two kissed in front of a whole room of people a while back. It wasn’t that hard to miss.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie blushes, wishing she’d never asked</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>James takes note of her embarrassment, so he drops the subject, “Well, is there anything I can get you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie, grateful for the distraction , tells him what Dina had asked for and waits a minute before the packaged meat is placed in a paper bag for her. She grabs it and thanks him, but not before asking him to visit some day so they can catch up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stepping out, she shields her eyes from the sun and notices a group of men across the street carrying large sheets of metal, probably for construction of some kind she guesses. A lot of the buildings were getting unstable in their years. Averting her gaze, she turns to walk back home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of the men drops a sheet. The twang is so loud that everyone nearby looks over at the source, but not Ellie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s on the floor before she can even register it. The shock caused her to trip and hit the side of her head against the sidewalk. She grasps her head with her hands and feels the sticky red liquid dripping down, but that pain is the least of her worries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of the metal. God, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> loud. It sounded like...like…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Joel, get up!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Joel, fucking get up!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn’t hear her, of course not, he’s on the verge of death, Ellie. He can’t hear you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span> He can’t hear you. He can’t hear you. He can’t hear you. He can’t hear you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then, the thwack of the club, the crushing of bones and of her heart is so sudden she’s going to pass out. She can’t breathe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And there he is, he’s stopped moving. He’s stopped everything. He is a body that Ellie was never prepared to see. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie! Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me.” A voice, muggy when mixed with Joel’s screams of pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch me!” She yells out, the WLF were here. They had pinned her down, they didn’t want her to check on his body. She needed to get free. “I’ll fucking kill you!” She thrashes, flailing away at any touches to her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie, It’s James. It’s just me. I’m not here to hurt you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James, James, James. She cycles through her memories. Who was James? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands hurt. She pulls them to her face to examine them, the nails are blurry and bloodied due to  her scraping them against the concrete. Her palms are red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I gave you the chicken and steak earlier. I just want to help.” Right, he was at the butchershop. He was good. He was helping her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The WLF. I- I need to-” She mumbles out, not even able to finish her sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what that is, but I don’t think they’re here, You’re safe. Now, I need you to take some deep breaths for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie nods absentmindedly, looking up sees his face worriedly staring down at her. She matches his own breathing as he demonstrates how to calm down a little. After a few minutes, she doesn’t feel like she’s drowning anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it alright if I help you up?” James asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah.” She stutters out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grabs a hold of her arm and brings her up, “That’s a nasty cut you’ve got there.” He mentions, eyeing the side of her head, “I can take you to the hospital if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Ellie instead says, “I want Dina.” It comes out like more of a whimper than anything else. Her heart is pounding out of her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He agrees to her request, steadying her as they begin to walk back home after Ellie tells him their address. She tries to ignore the unwanted stares of those around them who had witnessed her panic attack. She felt bad enough as is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arriving at the front door, James is the one to knock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” Dina yells from the inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James glances warily at Ellie, who says nothing as she stares down the door, too afraid to speak. “It’s James, from the butchershop.” He informs Dina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie can hear footsteps getting closer to the door before Dina is opening the door, “James? Is everything all right? I-” She stops herself, finally seeing a bloody faced Ellie by his side. Raptor runs up next to her and Dina stops him from jumping onto Ellie, afraid of spooking her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, what happened?” She questions, going to hug her immediately. Ellie can’t find it in her to return the motion, standing still. Her hands are shaking and she senses a headache starting to set in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James speaks again, “She, uh, had some trouble getting over here, but this was what she had ordered.” He holds up the paper bag, handing it to Dina. She thanks him before he tells her he can’t leave the shop alone for too long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he steps away, Dina drags Ellie inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without any words, she sits Ellie down on their couch, leaving for a moment and coming back with a first aid kit.She opens it up to take some rubbing alcohol out. A clean rag is dipped in some and then gently dabbed over Ellie’s head wound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she works, Ellie asks, “Where’s JJ?” She scratches Raptor’s head absentmindedly, needing something to occupy her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I put him to bed while you were away.” Dina responds quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you wanna ask what happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina finishes cleaning the wound, “I’m more worried about how you cut your head open.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I fell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That it?” Dina hums, moving the cloth to her forehead, wiping away the remaining blood on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie sighs, closing her eyes,“I don’t know.” She squeezes Dina’s hand, “I-I just heard some metal being dropped and-and I couldn’t stop screaming. It sounded like-like-” Her voice breaks as she tries to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina shushes her, “It’s okay. You’re okay now. I’ve got you.” She hugs Ellie again. Ellie thinks she could stay like this forever. Dina’s so warm and kind to her when she doesn’t even deserve it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought-” Ellie wipes at her tears, “I thought that I was okay. ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina leans her forehead against Ellie’s, “You don’t have to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I want to be.” Ellie chokes out, “I don’t wanna feel like a failure forever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Dina holds onto Ellie’s hand, “You’re not. Having trouble on an errand does not get to determine that. What you went through is not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie squeezes her hand, “Santa Barbara was supposed to help me. I thought that had been my first step to recovering from everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it was.” Dina tells her, she bites her lip nervously, “But, you’ve never talked about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Ellie is disagreeing, “No, no I can’t tell you about it. You’ll think I’m a monster.” She recoils at her own memories. The screams and all the blood swirls around in her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never thought you were a monster.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is different.” Ellie protests, “I-I threatened someone -- a child!” She blurts it out before she can stop herself.  Her eyes widen at the admission, she covers her face with her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina slowly removes Ellie’s hands from her face, “Why?” Her tone, calm and unphased, is also surprising. Her eyes hold nothing but understanding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abby was going to leave, and I just- I </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>let her. I needed her to know I was there to finish it, so I-I grabbed the kid, that scar, and I put a knife to his neck. That’s when she relented and fought me.” Ellie brings her hands up to her mouth, shocked at her own re-telling of events. What the hell was wrong with her?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina’s expression softens, “ What’d you do to her?” Ellie has no idea how she doesn't look absolutely disgusted at her right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I let her go.” Ellie rasps out, “I let her and the kid leave the beach.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re okay with that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Ellie runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. She’s still so damn confused with herself. “I think so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina sighs, “It’s okay if you don’t know. This is a part of the process.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s expression turns puzzled, “Of what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling softly in that way that makes Ellie get all fuzzy inside, Dina simply replies, “Of healing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fiddling with her fingers, Ellie asks, “Do you think I’m capable of that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Ellie, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.” Dina tells her and Ellie wants to sob at how kind she is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence for a few seconds, then JJ’s cries from the bedroom fill the house. Dina stands and Raptor wakes up from his small nap next to Ellie at the interruption. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can go check on him.” Ellie insists, already standing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. You should rest. You’ve had a rough morning.” Ellie wants to disagree, but as she sits herself back down, she can already feel her eyelids drooping. So, in a house full of her favorite people (and dog) she lets herself rest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(She’s already passed out by the time Dina comes back to drape a blanket over her.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The following day, Ellie defaults back to her usual routine and it’s when she’s washing the dishes that Dina pops up by her side. She doesn’t get too close or intimate and Ellie wonders how they’ll progress from just sleeping in the same bed. They haven’t kissed in months. She’s too scared to even say I love you when it’s the only thing that she’s thought about since she’s returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Maria called to invite us over for dinner tonight. It’s a big town thing, but she said it’ll be chill. ” Dina informs her and Ellie hums in response. She sets out a plate to dry and begins scrubbing another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But,” Dina says, tossing her a knowing glance, “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Tommy is- he’s going to be there, too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie sighs at the mention of his name. Wiping her hands on a rag, she turns to face Dina, “That’s fine. We need to go out more anyway. I don’t want you cooped up just to make sure I’m doing okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Dina asks, and if things were different Ellie would have smoothed out that crinkle that forms in between her eyebrows when she’s concerned about something with her thumb. Instead, she stays still with her hands at her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, It’ll be good to talk with him anyways. I’ll be fine.” Ellie assures her. The last thing she wants is to feel even more like a burden.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll let her know while I’m out. JJ needs some more diapers, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can go tell her, if you want.” Ellie offers. Walking to Maria’s house was a much less stressing thing than going into the center of town. She wanted something to do, no matter how small.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina seems to realize this and agrees, but says she’ll take JJ with her and Ellie tries to not be hurt by the fact. Although, she knows that if she has another episode the last person she wants with her is him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria’s house is warm and cozy. It reminds Ellie of simpler times when she and Joel had first arrived at Jackson. Nights spent here with Dina, Jesse, Tommy and him before she had been told the truth and distanced herself from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nothing seems to have changed as she steps inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is a welcome surprise.” Maria greets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie smiles, “I just wanted to come by to let you know we’ll be at the town dinner tonight.” She fiddles with her hands as she looks down. She had developed a habit of touching the tender skin left over on the tips of her missing fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you come all the way over here to tell me?” Maria questions getting straight to the point and if Ellie wasn’t so anxious she might’ve been annoyed at how quick she’d been found out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been worried.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About?” Maria asks, pushing her to answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About Dina, and just </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I guess? I dunno. Everything’s been so weird and difficult lately.” Ellie tells her, feeling relief at letting out her words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria’s eyes soften from their usual hardness, “You know, when she came back. She was devastated. The last thing she wanted was to lose you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, she made that </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> clear in the hospital. Honestly, I never thought we’d ever get to where we are now. I wish we could just talk, but I don’t want to scare her off. She’s one of the last good things I have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Maria says, “You both clearly love each other. She just needs you to initiate the conversation, to show that you’re truly here. To show you’re real. God knows she probably thought you were dead the entire time and then you come back to reconcile out of nowhere. It’s tough, for her </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie sniffs, rubbing at her nose with her sleeve, “Yeah, you’re right. I think we both need to just air it out and go from there.” She grabs the doorknob, readying to leave, “Thanks, Maria. I really needed this.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Maria gives her a hug, “ Of course, you’re family. Don’t forget that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s eerily quiet when Ellie steps back out into the cool air. It sets her a bit on edge, but she just chalks it up to her usual underlying anxiety. Getting back to Dina to talk was all she wanted to think about right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Turning the corner, she’s thrust back into some bushes with a hand covering her mouth.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. reassemble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>idk why i named all the chapters after “re-“ prefixes but i did. </p><p>i’m horrible at action/stealth scenes so i apologize in advance if it’s a lil wonky to read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ellie thrashes, yanking the mouth off of her and flicking her knife out to whoever it is, “What the fuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Relax! I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to help. Name’s Ben.” The voice explains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie can see them better now, it’s a man. She’s seen him around town sometimes and knows he mostly works at the stables and is an all around okay guy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” She questions, placing her knife back in her pocket. She tries to steady her wobbly hands. Surprises were definitely not her strong suit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben scoots closer, keeping his voice down, “Raiders are here. They just took over the back gates. Some people are hiding, but others weren’t so lucky. I’ve heard them yelling about taking the women and children first for who knows what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this, Ellie freezes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Women and Children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dina and JJ.” She mutters, her heart races at the thought. Were they okay?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stands quickly, surveying the area, “I need to go. I need to check on my family.” She’s leaving when he grabs onto her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know how many there are out there. How do you think you’ll get to wherever you’re going safely?” He asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugs off his grip, “I have to try.” He doesn’t say another word as Ellie steps out of the bushes. She really wished she had her backpack right about now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stays low to the ground, knife in hand for anyone who might try her. She forces herself to keep her breathing steady and not immediately freak out over all the bad things that could be happening to her and her family right now. First, she would go check on their house to see if Dina might’ve been back already and was just hiding. Raptor had stayed home, so she was less worried of him being out right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could only hope they were all okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A man’s voice pops up from across the street, “Check this street. We can’t leave anyone behind.” Ellie hides behind a large trash can. She tries to focus in on the voice to guess how many people may be there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do we do with the bodies?” Another asks, a woman. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Leave them to rot. We’re not staying long, just need the live ones to come with us.” The man says. Ellie tries to ignore the images of Dina and JJ lying dead on their living room floor or in the middle of town. Fighting the urge to run up to the two and kill them then and there, she passes behind different cars as she gets across the street for a stealthier attack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman is further behind the man as they patrol the road. Ellie slowly moves forward, holding her breath before bringing her hand up to the woman’s mouth. The knife twists in her neck. Ellie drops the body and moves onto the man. As she shudders out his last breath, she wipes the blood from her knife and keeps moving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The front door to the house is ajar and Ellie shoves it open, relief filling her at the absence of any struggle occurring here. But, that meant they never even made it back home. She needed to know where these people were keeping prisoners before they left. Upstairs she finds her backpack untouched and shrugs it on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Raptor comes out from under the bed, he whimpers at her. She pats his head, letting him know she was okay. “Stay here for now, okay boy?” She instructs, hoping he understood somewhat. She didn’t want him to get hurt. He sniffs, nudging her hand with his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She allows herself a deep breath, </span>
  <em>
    <span>They’re fine, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she assures herself</span>
  <em>
    <span> ,They wouldn’t kill a mom and her kid, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and yet she knows deep down that in this world that is always a possible outcome. Pushing the intrusive thoughts away, she treads on and tries to form a plan. If there’s more raiders out on the streets she would need to capture one to pull information out of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Miraculously, a lone man is wandering around, peeking into windows and muttering something to himself. Something about the cafeteria. Ellie knows she needs to take advantage of this opportunity and sneaks closer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he’s reloading his gun and still, Ellie brings an arm around his neck and muffles his surprised gasp. She turns them both to go behind a house for some privacy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once in a secure position, she drops him and hits him with the butt of her gun and shoots him once in the leg to insure he won’t get up. The suppressor lets the sound stay muffled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He screams in pain, “What the fuck? Who the hell are you?” He questions, grasping at his bleeding leg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie bends down to his level, she takes her knife to his chin, forcing him to look at her directly, “You’re going to tell me where you’re taking all the prisoners right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scoffs and Ellie wants to punch him at this attempt of cockiness, “Why would I tell some random girl anything? Just kill me already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smirking, Ellie takes the knife away from his neck and presses it an inch into his stomach, “If you’re looking for a quick death, this isn’t it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He squirms, breathing heavily but not making any sounds of pain and Ellie might’ve applauded him for his resilience if this was any other situation, but it only makes her angrier. Impatience getting the best of her, she grabs his hand and takes a finger, snapping it with a sickening crack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” He grunts, cradling his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie doesn’t stop there and sticks her knife deeper into the same spot as before, “Tell me where they are and I’ll stop before I break all of your fingers.” She twists her knife in deeper and he finally relents.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-okay, okay, fuck! We’re keeping them i-in the cafeteria f-for now. Please just stop!” He cries out.  She slides her knife out. He whimpers. She points her gun at his forhead and lets him off easily with a single bullet to the brain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shithead.” She mutters under her breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cafeteria isn’t as heavily gaurded as Ellie would’ve thought, but that could mean they’re all just inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina and JJ could be in there. Her whole world could be in there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After living here for years, she knows the ins and outs of the Jackson cafeteria and heads in through a back entrance by the dumpsters. The kitchen seems to be empty of any raiders, so she crawls through it and stops behind the counter where the servers are usually posted at.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peeking over, she sees at least 50 Jackson residents sitting at the tables, looking terrified out of their minds. The raiders are around 20 in total. They walk in rounds, scanning for anything out of the usual in the sea of people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Ellie finally spots Dina and JJ seated in the corner of the table closest to her and it’s all she can do to not go up and hug her and him now that she knows they’re okay. She puts her head back down and begins to run through all her options.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Go in guns blazing? Nope. Too risky</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Try to talk it out? Yeah, right. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cause a distraction? Hmm, that could work. But what would the distraction be?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Settling on the idea, Ellie comes up with setting down a few trap mines at the front entrance and causing a ruckus to get some of the raiders to check it out and when they explode, everyone else will go and see who’s out there. Once they’re all distracted, Ellie can kill them without worrying about the people inside getting hurt. But, she needs someone on the inside to direct all the citizens towards the back entrance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lightbulb goes off in her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If she could get her attention and tell her to get everybody out when the raiders are occupied, then she’d be set. Grabbing a random menu from the shelves in the kitchen and pen, she writes down what she wants Dina to do on the back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking over the counter again, Ellie tries to grab Dina’s attention. First, to get the nearby guards to look elsewhere she throws a plate away from her direction. When they’ve gone to inspect the noise she whispers, “Hey!” as loud as she can towards Dina’s table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As stupid as it feels, after a few more attempts, some people sitting by Dina and JJ finally look behind themselves to Ellie. Ellie ignores their looks of surprise and points to Dina to show she wants her attention and not theirs. A girl pokes Dina’s side subtly and gives a nod to Ellie behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina looks back and her eyes widen at Ellie’s small wave. Ellie brings a finger to her lips and steps away from the counter and sneaks quietly over it, staying low, she stuffs the paper into Dina’a hands with no words and goes back as quick as she can. She felt horrible for not paying attention to JJ’s grabby hands wanting to touch her, but she knew it was for the best. She would be able to hug him soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> She watches Dina read it beneath the table, shifting JJ on her lap to cover it when she’s done. A thumbs up sent her way let’s Ellie know she can begin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s screams and shouts to go check the entrance when the mines are exploded and a few chunks of a person land near Ellie’s feet. In the cover of smoke, she narrows a shot in on the closest person to her. This sets off everyone else going towards the noise and she knows she’s got to act fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ducking behind a food crate, she takes out a few more until they’ve significantly gone down in numbers. Other raiders have heard the commotion and are running to the cafeteria as reinforcements, but with most not paying attention to the residents, Ellie sees more of her own people coming out of the shadows with their own weapons to take them out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the midst of the gunshots, Ellie prays that Dina and JJ made it out with all the other vulnerable people. She grabs a stray metal pipe on the ground and heads forward. The smoke gets caught in her lungs, but she still swings at a raider trying to rush her. He falls back. She coughs, the sensation making her stumble.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another comes up, pointing a gun and she hits him in the legs before he can get a clear shot. This guy’s much larger than the other and gets back up immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Ellie’s grateful that he dropped his gun when he fell, but he makes up for it in strength as he jabs her right side, the soreness of her old cut there comes back threefold at the action. She grits her teeth and takes another swing at his head. He grabs it in midair and socks her in the jaw. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spitting out blood, she finally takes out her pistol and shoots his chest. He narrowly dodges and it hits his shoulder instead. He knocks the gun out of her hand and punches her face once more. Her vision is getting hazier as the pain causes her eyes to involuntarily tear up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mustering up all her strength, she takes out her trusty knife and slices his arms held up defensively in front of his face. In this moment of weakness, she lunges forwards and dives under to penetrate his neck. At last, that kills him as he splutters out blood. Ellie ignores the splashes that make it to her face and wipes it off messily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking a much needed deep breath, she looks around. Dead bodies are littered all over and she can still hear some gunshots away from the location, but all she wanted was to see her family now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She places a protective hand over her side, wincing. Trudging along to her home, hoping that was where they would be waiting in safety.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I have no idea where she could be, Maria! What if she’s dead?” Ellie hears Dina’s yell into the house phone as she steps inside. Her movements are slow as she heads into the kitchen in the direction of Dina’s worried voice and notices JJ in his baby chair playing away with some toys near Dina. She heaves a sigh of relief, they were fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie stops in the entryway, “Dina.” She says breathlessly, swaying slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina looks over and stops talking, dropping the phone. It cracks into a few pieces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie chuckles at the action, “Hey, that was our only one, wh-” Dina cuts her off with a hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fucking idiot. I thought something bad happened.” She mumbles, teary eyed into Ellie’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie freezes at the contact, unsure of what to do. When Dina doesn’t immediately let go she decides to hug back, “I’m okay. Just a little banged up.” She assures, trying not to groan at the force she’s being held with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina releases her slowly, hands moving up to hold Ellie’s face, her fingers brush over Ellie’s split lip and a shiver runs up her spine, “Banged up my ass, you look like shit.” Ellie laughs, trying to not dwell on the fact that this is the closest they’ve been since she’s come back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine.” Is all Ellie can muster, mesmerized by her eyes and lips and her everything. They stare. Ellie stills with a bated breath for fear of breaking whatever this moment is. Goosebumps travel up and down her arms as they hang, ghosting over Dina’s waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you will be. You always are.” Dina murmurs, refusing to break her eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unconsciously, Ellie leans forwards ever so lightly, “I really want to kiss you right now.” She says under her breath, as if it’s a secret to either of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s stopping you?” Dina asks, it’s more inquisitive than playful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie chews her bottom lip, snapping back into reality, “I need you to know that I’m here. I’m never going to leave you ever again. You and JJ are my entire life.” Her salty tears sting the flesh wounds littered on her face as they fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina’s expression turns gentler. She caresses Ellie’s cheek and Ellie can’t help but lean into it with closed eyes, “I know you’re trying hard for us. I am too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just -I don’t want you to feel forced to be with me or whatever.” Ellie’s face flushes at the continuous contact they’re having. She never wants it to end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel forced. I didn’t want to start anything too big without getting my own feelings in order. I needed to know that it was what I wanted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie feels a sense of relief at her words, “So, you don’t hate me?” It’s something that’s always been at the back of her mind since her return, the thought that the only reason they were still in each other's life was because of obligation rather than any kind of love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina giggles, eyes crinkling in delight and it’s just about enough for Ellie’s knees to give out. “No, dummy. I’m not sure I’m capable of that.” She wraps her arms around Ellie’s neck and it reminds her of that first dance they had. It felt like it happened a lifetime ago to a completely different person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The memory resurfaces with old wounds of Joel, but Ellie focuses on the nicer parts of that night. Memories of forgiveness and joy. With a shuddering breath, she closes her eyes, wanting to bathe in the comfort of the moment for eternity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she opens her eyes, Dina is still there, JJ is still playing next to them, Raptor is laid down at her feet and she is home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” She confesses to Dina, and there is so much in those three words. So many things left unsaid and promises still to be made. There is still hurt mixed with frustration and drops of sorrow. There is still work to be done for her to mean it when she says she is okay, but for now, she guesses this is as close as she can get to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything stopping you now?” Dina asks. Ellie shakes her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that, Dina tucks a stray strand of hair behind Ellie’s ear, “Good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kiss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s not sure who initiated it first. Dina’s lips are soft and she tastes of that mint gum she always asks traders for. For Ellie, it feels like her first kiss ever, as if she’s falling in love all over again. The pain from her split lip can barely be registered as Dina fists her flannel and Ellie takes ahold of her soft and silky hair to push them closer together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, JJ’s small voice happily cries out, “Mama!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie smiles against the kiss, and separates from it to look over at him. He sits, grinning at the two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, potato. That’s your mama.” She agrees, removing him from his chair and nuzzling her cheek against his own. She points at Dina,  “She’s very pretty, isn’t she?” He babbles at Ellie’s words excitedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina rolls her eyes fondly, “You’re his mom too, you know. He could’ve been talking to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie shrugs, “Maybe, but my point still stands. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> very pretty.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a dork.” Dina teases, looking down sheepishly anyways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina steps closer to the two, admiring them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Ellie kisses JJ’s head and looks over at her girlfriend, grinning, “We’ll be okay.” She guarantees her, a new sense of fervor in her voice. Dina gives her a half smile back before pecking Ellie on the lips. JJ reaches a chubby hand out to her and she takes it. Ellie smiles down at the action. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Raptor seems to have woken up with JJ’s babbles and paws at Dina’s feet for attention. She picks him up and he licks her face eagerly. She laughs and it is a captivating sound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie looks at the three, her heart feeling full. The heaviness doesn’t hurt, though. It’s the kind that makes her want to cry from pure happiness. She has no idea how she got any of this. Who knew that that terrified fourteen year old girl would be living a life she could have only ever experienced in her dreams in just a few years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joel’s voice fills her head, something he had said when they first traversed the country together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And you- no matter what- you keep finding something to fight for</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey look, Joel, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thinks to herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I found it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ngl i teared up writing that ending :(</p><p>thank u for reading &lt;3 any kind of feedback is nice!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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